tahnijnikitins (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tahnijnikitins) wrote2010-09-17 05:48 am
tahnijnikitins) wrote2010-09-17 05:48 am
Entry tags:
Fear of Failure
I've kind of decided that my journal here at DW is going to be primarily for me tracking my journey since I've decided "no more putting it off" - "it" being AmeriCorps and New Orleans.
So here I go...
I wrote back to the woman from Hands on New Orleans, the AmeriCorps program I am hoping to join. While writing, it really dawned on me that I might not succeed in this. I always knew - my application might be rejected, I might do poorly in my interview, of all of the people applying, I might not be the best to fill any given slot. But writing, asking what kinds of things are looked for on applications, what it is that makes an applicant an attractive one, it really did set in that I might not be good enough.
At least not right now.
In the next year I'm going to do everything that I can to make myself the kind of applicant that they want to talk to, the kind of interviewee that they want to have come halfway across the country to work with them.
But I still might fail, and that scares me more than succeeding, more than leaving home for the first time to live in another city in another state and leaving behind everything I've ever known. Not getting to do those things terrifies me.
So here I go...
I wrote back to the woman from Hands on New Orleans, the AmeriCorps program I am hoping to join. While writing, it really dawned on me that I might not succeed in this. I always knew - my application might be rejected, I might do poorly in my interview, of all of the people applying, I might not be the best to fill any given slot. But writing, asking what kinds of things are looked for on applications, what it is that makes an applicant an attractive one, it really did set in that I might not be good enough.
At least not right now.
In the next year I'm going to do everything that I can to make myself the kind of applicant that they want to talk to, the kind of interviewee that they want to have come halfway across the country to work with them.
But I still might fail, and that scares me more than succeeding, more than leaving home for the first time to live in another city in another state and leaving behind everything I've ever known. Not getting to do those things terrifies me.